I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize