I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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