I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
