That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Porn is love you can see.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
