somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
