I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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