I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
