Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize