omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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