I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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