omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
