She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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