Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
