whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
