We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
