me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
