I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
