Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
