i need an iv and a liver transplant
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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