You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
