we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Randomize
