Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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