youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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