Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
