when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
