I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
