We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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