I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Randomize
