So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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