I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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