no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize