is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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