On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Just pee around me
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
