Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize