woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
