I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
