just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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