so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
