At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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