im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
