guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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