if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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