wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
