so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
