You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
