Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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