i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize