I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
