I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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