worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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