you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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