I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
