It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
