I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
