Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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