they need to just BURY HIM!
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I said "one day" and that day is not today
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
