Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
