I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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