I could make wine with my vomit
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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