okay pat passed out under dana's car
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
