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Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
