she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Randomize
