please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
How does it feel to date your dad?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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