"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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