I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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