I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
