So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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