I wanna passion pit in your ass
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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