so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
