Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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