Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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