im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
