When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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