Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
