Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
