I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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