i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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