My liver just broke up with me...
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize