fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
And then he peed in my hair
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