Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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