roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize