You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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