she was so not down for the gang bang
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
