I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
