mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
