I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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