I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
