He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
