I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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