theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
