so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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